The Preparation for the Marriage Relationship

At this point in our deliberations, let me address myself to those unmarried persons who are looking ahead to marriage. After a person has decided to receive Jesus Christ, the greatest decision ever to be faced in life is the selection of a lifetime partner, a husband or a wife. I cannot stress too strongly that the choice of your mate in marriage is of the gravest concern. No Christian should ever attempt marriage without prayer and a thorough search of the Scriptures. Thirty-five years in the Christian ministry have opened many doors of opportunity for marriage counseling, and I am prepared to say that many married persons who came to me seeking help were no more prepared for marriage on their wedding day than they were as little children playing with their toys. The only claim some brides and grooms have to maturity at their marriage is physical maturity. What difficulties many married couples have suffered because they were unprepared for marriage! Here are some precautionary steps one should consider before marriage.

The First Precaution

A Christian should never, under any circumstances, marry an unsaved person. The Bible forbids a believer in Christ to consider marriage with an unbeliever. Mixed marriages are never countenanced by God in either the Old Testament or the New. No two persons can live in harmony except they are in agreement on life’s most important choice (See Amos 3:3). If the one person has received Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, and the other has rejected Him, there is no common ground on which to start a marriage. The Bible warns, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” (II Corinthians 6:14). This is a solemn command with which there can be no compromise. People with serious marital problems have complained frequently to marriage counselors that they have little or nothing in common. This has caused the breakdown of many marriages. Well then, how can there possibly be a successful marriage if both the man and woman cannot share their common faith in the Lord Jesus Christ?

The Christian stands in a totally different relationship to God than does the non-Christian. In Old Testament times the principle of separation was in force, for we read “. . . The Lord doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel” (Exodus 11:7). Woe be to the man or woman who fails to put a difference where God has put one! If the principle of separation applies in business and social life, how much more emphatically does it apply in the most intimate relationship of life, that of marriage! As a minister of the Gospel I am committed to the biblical principle of never knowingly performing a marriage ceremony for two people unless both are committed Christians through personal faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. The mere thought of two persons being united in life, but separated throughout eternity, is well-nigh unbearable.

Early in my ministerial career a young Christian woman asked me to officiate at her marriage. Her fianc was an unbeliever. Moreover, he refused to discuss with anyone the question of salvation and his relation to Jesus Christ. When I told her that I could not become involved in such an unscriptural alliance, she angrily said, “But I love him. What do you expect me to do?” I told her that being in love may be a good reason for getting married, but that it is not always a valid one. Now it goes without saying that we should not marry a person whom we do not love. But it is possible to fall in love with someone most unsuitable according to God’s standards. It is also possible to be madly in love with somebody one day, and not feel the same about that same person six months later. Being in love is essential to a happy marriage, but any one of us could fall in love with the wrong person. Love is not the sole basis for marriage. Christian, take care! A mismated alliance in friendship can lead to a mismated alliance in love, and this in turn could lead to a mismated alliance in marriage which could end in disaster.

The Second Precaution

A Christian should not marry merely for sexual gratification. The marriages that are based on sex alone are not happy marriages. Young people in their teens should heed this counsel. In a normal person the psychic energy usually associated with the sexual instinct moves in cycles. It strikes first when we are in our teens, and at such an early age no person is mature enough to assume the responsibilities of marriage. Those first sex drives create a difficult and dangerous time for young people. It is an easy matter for any teen-ager to be carried away by an infatuation for a person of the opposite sex. Too often such an unreasoning and uncontrolled passion has been mistaken for love, and this in turn has resulted in broken marriages.

Now let me speak frankly about this matter of sex. It is wrong to say that sex per se is sinful. Though the word sex does not appear in the Bible, the idea is found throughout the Scriptures. It means either of the two divisions of organisms distinguished as male and female, and this includes the attraction of one sex for the other. The attraction of male for female, and vice versa, is a natural one. Let me add that it is an unnatural condition when this attraction does not exist. A person does not become more spiritual by disassociating himself from the body. The sex urge is a normal function of the body. This is the way God made us. And God has given to us a frank and fearless discussion of sex in His Word. We need to examine the Scriptures prayerfully on the subject of sex, for in them we will find God speaking to us in a way that will prevent demoralization and degeneration. To know the facts and functions of sex is not enough. The knowledge we receive must be linked with our reverence and love for God.

The Bible says, “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). The sexual relation between husband and wife is a beautiful and meaningful experience. It should be a mutually delightful experience for both. Some of the most spiritual people I have known were happily married couples who had children of their own. The sexual relation between husband and wife is an essential one in marriage. Sex without love will end with misery, but sex with love will result in much happiness. Now I am not suggesting that a successful marriage is based purely on a biological and sexual performance, but I am saying that the sex urge is normal and the marriage bed is the one place God has provided to satisfy that urge. There is still some of the old nonsense being passed along to girls that sex is for men only, and that the wifely duty is to submit to the cross of sex. I somehow feel that mothers who are guilty of passing along such distortions to their daughters are women who were frustrated in their own sex lives, and so take advantage of every opportunity to vent their hatred on men.

If you want to prepare yourself for a lasting and happy marriage, take a wholesome view of sex. Keep yourself pure for your life-partner. Remember God will judge the immoral and adulterous person. The Seventh Commandment says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14), a law God has never rescinded. Adulterers shall not inherit the kingdom of God (I Corinthians 6:9), but they will be judged by God (Hebrews 13:4). Paul admonished Timothy, “Keep yourself pure” (I Timothy 5:22).

The Third Precaution

Do not decide upon marriage as an escape from pressure. A young Christian wife who had been married four years came to me seeking counsel. She was brief in her remarks and to the point. “I believe I made the biggest mistake of my life,” she said as she wept. There was hesitation. Then she continued, “I believe I married the wrong man.” She and the young man she married both were Christians. I had officiated at their lovely wedding four years earlier. She was old enough to be married at 23, and she and Harold seemed to enjoy eleven months of courtship, and now four years to the month from her wedding day she tells me she made a mistake. “Why did you marry Harold?” I asked her. She gave me two reasons why she hastily accepted his proposal. At the office where she was employed dishonesty was a common practice among the firm’s management; the office was always polluted with cigarette smoke; drinking alcoholic beverages was routine; and married men dated single girls. That situation brought on pressure from which she sought an escape.

Now she might have looked for another job, but an unhappy situation at home only added to the pressure. Her father was an alcoholic who abused her mother and her. So in order to escape a difficult home life and undesirable working conditions she jumped at the opportunity when Harold proposed marriage. She felt that she might not have another opportunity to get married. She failed to face the problems and pressures at home and the office as she should have done. She should have come for counsel before she became involved with Harold. Beware of marrying in haste. Marriage is for life!

Taken from http://bible.org/article/marriage-abortion-and-divorce