Echoes of Mercy

1 The glistening fruit hangs before me, begging me to explore the forbidden tree
To taste it’s sweet and juicy flavors, to eat and experience the delicious savor
I take the bait and soon regret my fatal mistake that has been set
The tempter comes and laughs in my face, the echoing words fill me with disgrace
Sin… sin… sin… sin…

2 My punishment for this is certain, forever cut off from God by a curtain
If no one comes to pay this debt I am doomed to be separated in regret
No man or woman wants to take my place, and none are worthy to in any case
I’m falling straight to my inevitable grave, no hope in sight and none to save
Death… Death… Death… Death…

3 I look up to suddenly see my beloved Savior rushing straight to me
On dark clouds he swiftly glides, like a horse and chariot speedily rides
He crashes down to the cursed ground and turns this dark world upside-down
What he plans to do, I do not know, but new hope and peace is suddenly aglow
Love… love… love… love…

4 The entire crowd stands up and shouts loud for this disruption of their corruption
Let this innocent Man be destroyed! The people agree and are overjoyed
They crucify and let You die, the most excruciating way to make one pay
The hope I once felt and thought would be dealt has slipped away from me today
Death… Death… Death… Death…

5 Although for You they did their best to defeat, their mission was completely incomplete
When senseless hate and astonishing love collided, the latter was victor and undivided
You rose from the grave, death lost it’s sting, and now we know who really is King
A new promise has come for you and for me, to be with You again for all eternity
Life… life… life… life…

6 The echoes of death have now been replaced!
Mercy… Mercy… Mercy… Mercy…
You pulled me out by your painful disgrace
Mercy… Mercy… Mercy… Mercy…
Pushed me out of the way and eagerly took my place
Mercy… Mercy… Mercy… Mercy…
There’s nothing more beautiful than your compassionate face
Mercy… Mercy… Mercy… Mercy…

by Jacob Gibson

Walking on Water

Matthew 14:24-33

After feeding the five thousand Jesus “made the disciples get into the boat and go to the other side, while He sent the crowd away. After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone” (Matthew 14:22-23).

Matthew does not give us a reason for Jesus sending the disciples to the other side of the lake and hastily breaking up of the crowds. However, In John 6:15 we are told that the crowds were about to take Jesus by force and make Him a king, to avoid this Jesus immediately scattered the people and sent away the disciples, lest they should join with them. Jesus went to a solitary place to pray.

Although the disciples were doing what Jesus had commanded them to do they were battling a storm. Like the disciples who were battling this storm there are times in our lives when we are obeying the command of the Lord we encounter storms, obstacles. We may not understand the reason for the obstacles; however, Jesus has a purpose in permitting the obstacles. In this incident, Jesus will manifest Himself in a way that will be greater than the stilling of the storm. In the miracle of the stilling of the storm, Jesus was in the boat with the disciples, but now He is not with them.

The example set before us in the introduction of the miracle, though the wind was contrary and the boat battered by the waves the disciples did not turn around and come back to the shore but was attempting to go to the other side of the lake, as Jesus commanded them. Here is an important lesson, though we may encounter troubles and difficulties in fulfilling the mission in life Jesus has given us they must not drive us from it; but through the midst of them we must press forwards.

Here is the good news, Jesus going to the aid of the disciples walking on the water reveals His sovereign dominion over all the creatures; they are all under his feet, and at His command.

It is not necessary to ask how this was done, whether by hardening of the surface of the water or by suspending the gravitation of His body. Jesus walking on the water proves his divine power, for it is God’s prerogative to “trend on the waves of the sea” (Job 9:8). It is the same power that made iron to swim (2 Kings 6:6). Jesus can do whatever He pleases to save His people.

In verse 26, we are told of the reaction to the appearance of Jesus; the disciples were terrified and said, “It is a ghost.” At the time of this account of Jesus walking on water, all except the Sadducees, whose doctrine Christ had warned His disciples against, generally believed in the existence and appearance of spirits. The deliverance from troublesome and dangerous situations is sometimes the occasions of trouble and perplexity to God’s people. The perplexing, disquieting fears of God’s people arise from their mistakes and misapprehensions concerning Christ, His person, and offices. The source of the disciples fear could be they believed some evil spirit raised the storm.

In verse 27, we are told Jesus silenced their fears by making Himself known. He does not name Himself, as He did to Paul, “I am Jesus.” All that was necessary for the disciples to recognize who was approaching them was the sound of His voice.

Note the words of Jesus to the disciples, first He tells them “Take courage.” If Christ’s disciples cannot be cheerful in a storm, it is their own fault. Second. Jesus told them who it is who is coming to them in their present situation. Third, ‘do not be afraid.” In other word, “Be not afraid of me, now that you know it is I; surely you will not fear, for you know I mean you no hurt.” Here is the good news; Christ will not be a terror to those to whom He manifests Himself. What is Jesus telling the disciples in the boat and us in our present situations? “Do not be afraid of the situations you find yourself in, though threatening; do not fear them, while I am so near you. I am He that concerns Himself for you, and will not stand by and see you perish.” Note nothing needs be a terror to those that have Christ near them, and know He is theirs; not even death itself.

When the disciples saw Jesus walking on the water, they were terrified. Jesus assured them they had nothing to fear. In verse 28 Peter asked for a sign, he wanted to be sure that it was Jesus. Note, what Peter said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to you on the water.” In this request, we see two things, first, a request for a sign. Peter wanted proof it was Jesus. Peter was not accepting the word of Jesus. We also see true faith in Peter’s request. There was no doubt in Peter’s mind, if the one the disciples saw walking on the water was Jesus and He commanded Peter to come to Him Peter would be able to get out of the boat and walk, not swim to Jesus.

In Peter’s request, we also see an expression of observance of the will of Jesus. Peter did not attempt to go to Jesus until Jesus said, “Come” (Matthew 14:29).

The lesson taught in Peter’s request is, we must rashly and presumptuously enter into any situation. Our will to serve and even suffer, must not be based solely on willingness but on the will of the Lord. Peter’s willingness to leave the safety of the boat reveals a very strong dependence upon the power and word of Christ. What difficulty or danger could stand before such a faith and such zeal?

Jesus could have condemned the request as foolish and rash. However, Jesus knew that it came from a sincere and zealous affection to Him, and graciously acknowledged the request. Note, The Lord is well pleased with the expressions of His people’s love, though mixed with infirmities, and makes the best of them.

When the Pharisees asked for a sign, Jesus rebuked them. When Peter asked for a sign, Jesus gave him a sign, Peter walked on the water.

In verse 30, there is a great lesson; Jesus told Peter to come to Him that He might not only prove His great power over nature, but that Peter know his own weakness; for as he would encourage his faith, so he would check his confidence, and make him ashamed of it.

A second lesson in this verse is one we should never forget. The strongest faith and the greatest courage have a mixture of fear and nothing but perfect love can cast out fear. While Peter expressed great faith in the safety of the boat, after leaving the boat his faith weakened. We should never forget trials do not weaken our faith; it is the length of trials.

While Peter kept his eye fixed upon Jesus, upon His word and power, he walked on the water. When Peter took notice of the danger he was in, his faith weakened. Abraham was strong in faith, because he did not let the discouraging improbabilities that the promise lay under, but kept his eye on God’s power; and so, “in hope he believed (Romans 4:18). Peter when he saw the wind, should have remembered what he had seen, when the winds and the sea obeyed Jesus (Matthew 8:27).

In verse 30, we see the effect of fear. When Peter’s faith was strong he walked upon the water, when his faith weakened he began to sink. The sinking of our spirits is due to the weakness of our faith.

Being a fisherman, Peter was probably a good swimmer. Although there is no Biblical support, it may have been in the mind of Peter, if he could not walk on the water, he could swim to Jesus. Peter may have done what we are often guilty of doing, trusting in what we can do. Jesus, let Peter begin to sink, to show him that the right hand of Jesus, and not Peter’s abilities was his security. It was Jesus’ great mercy to Peter, that, upon the failing of his faith, He did not leave him sink to sink to the bottom like a stone, but gave him time to cry, “Lord, save me.” Such is the care of our Lord concerning true believers.

The remedy of Peter’s situation was the old, tried, approved remedy, and that was prayer: he cried, “Lord, save me.” Note, the manner of his praying; it is fervent and urgent. When faith is weak, prayer should be strong. The realization we are in a dangerous situation will and the realization of dependence on God should make us cry to Him. Jesus is the great Savior, He came to save; those that would be saved, must not only come to Him, but cry out to Him for salvation; but we are never brought to this, till we find ourselves sinking; sense of need will drive us to Him.

Though there was a mixture of presumption with Peter’s faith while in the boat, and unbelief with his faith when he left the boat, Jesus did not cast him off; first, He saved him (Matthew 14:31). Jesus “immediately stretched out His hand and took hold of Him. Jesus’ hand is still stretched out to all believers, to keep them from sinking. Though it may seem at times, He has let go of us He has not. Our deliverance from our fears and shortcomings is due to the hand of his power and grace.

In verse 31, we are told Jesus rebuked Peter for his little faith and doubting. The lesson in this verse is, our faith may be true, and yet weak; at first, like a grain of mustard-seed. Peter had faith enough to get out of the boat, but not enough to carry him to Jesus. Our discouraging doubts and fears are all due to the weakness of our faith. The purpose of faith is to break down the barrier of doubt. What do you suppose would happen if we believed more and doubted less?

When Jesus came into the boat, the storm ceased and those in the boat worshipped Him.

The disciples knew before the incident that Jesus was the Son of God, however, faith after a conflict with unbelief, is sometimes the more active, and gets to greater degrees of strength by being exercised. It is good for us to know more and more of certainty of those things of heaven.

 

Demonstrating Christian Values While Dating

Most Christian faith parents wish for their children to choose purity in dating relationships and that they will wait for marriage before entering into any physical intimacy. That is why teaching your children Christian dating values is very important.

 

If you pass on these values to your children, they are also far more likely to follow them in their turn. Christian dating values may seem somewhat intimidating, but they are really very simple. The first and most important rule to teach is respect.

Because you respect each other, you will not engage in behavior that may lead to more physical intimacy that both of you are ready for, and which would lead you into a situation of going against your faith.

As Christians you agree that God is the Lord life and you will model your Christian dating values upon the principles taught in the Bible. Keeping yourself pure until marriage, not tempting your partner in any intimacy before marriage, and relying upon God in your prayers and worship are all tenets of Christian dating values.

As part of a larger Christian community, you can rely upon your local church family to walk in faith alongside you and to help you in achieving your goals of purity until marriage. Christian dating physical limits doesn’t mean that you are alone in your struggle against the temptations of intimacy. As your church family prays with you, the bond of love is strengthened and your future spouse knows that you are truly committed to a future together in Christian love.

In Christian dating, it is implicit that you are looking for a lifetime commitment in the love of God, and not a one night stand or short physical relationships. Marriage is the ultimate goal of physical intimacy, as are children, not merely indulging physical desires.

Physical intimacy with your chosen partner is worth waiting for, as a gift to God and each other. In this way you will learn self control as a couple, you will learn to rely upon God when your desire for each other threatens your better judgment and you will learn that, you will still love one another in the end. You will also learn to trust one another that much more.

Christian dating values are not about rules and monitoring, nor do they create unnecessary deprivation or suffering. Instead they teach that restraint is a sign of maturity, that placing the sanctity of marriage above the desires of the flesh indicates true commitment, and that God is paramount in your relationship.

FRIENDSHIP—A VALUED RELATIONSHIP

The scripture of Mark 2:1–5 records one of my favorite biblical story of friendship. It is about four men who took their paralyzed friend to Jesus to be healed. As I reflected on the story, I could not help but be amazed at their tenacity in going the extra mile for their friend.

 

In my imagination, I believe that they had heard about Jesus and his amazing powers of healing and decided to take their friend to see him. They got him ready and went to the house where Jesus was preaching. As they approached the house, they saw a large number of people. “So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them” (Mark 2:2). The crowd was so huge, try as they might pushing bodies aside to force a gap, they could not get to the front door. Nevertheless, they were not about to give up. They walked around the house looking for a window or some opening that they could get their friend through; however, they were unsuccessful. Then they decided to try the roof! They most likely had to build a makeshift ladder or devise some other method of lifting their friend up to the roof. I picture them carrying him precariously up the side of the house, pulling and pushing as they found footholds to make their way to the roof. The wobbly ride up may have been scary for the sick friend, but the thought of being healed would have put aside his fear. Once they got up on the roof, they had to identify the exact spot where Jesus was in the house and then began digging there. It probably took them some time to dig through the roof because it was no small peephole, but an opening large enough to pass their friend through. However, they did it! “Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on” (Mark 2:4).

Visualize, if you can, the face of the owner of the house as he saw a hole appearing in his roof. Most likely, his eyes bulged and mouth opened wide as he gazed up again and again in disbelief. His first thought was probably that it might be rodents, but as the hole got larger and larger right before his eyes, he knew that could not possibly be the case. He may have tried to make his way outside to see what was going on but got stuck because of the crowd. Surely, he must have been distraught as he witnessed the destruction of his property. Others too may have been looking up, incredulous at seeing the paralytic being lowered into the house.

In our lives today we can certainly learn from the actions of these men in building friendships of our own. It is great to have one best friend, but how much more enriched our lives would be if we have a few best friends. Think about the wealth of love that can exist through these friendships. We can have best friends in different areas, at different times, and for a short or long period in our lives. They can come in different shapes, sizes, and ethnicities, and with a range of emotions from joy to pain. What is important with valued relationships is that we invest the time to nourish them. Friends often are a reflection of who we are and they help to mold and shape us. It is said that we attract friends who bring out either the worst or best in us. But we should bring the best of ourselves so as to form authentic relationships. Friends don’t have to be perfect, but they should be genuine. The men who persevered with their sick friend exhibited true qualities that any good friend should possess: faithfulness, caring, trust, patience, persistence, and love. Today we can build, or strengthen, our friendships by their example.

Faithfulness
These men did not just take their friend to see Jesus and leave him there. Nor, did they turn away when they saw the crowd. Sometimes friends leave when the going gets rough. One might lose money, job, or home, and the friends that one counted on do not stick around. Obviously, these types are not true friends and were probably in the relationship for all the wrong reasons. We need friends who are reliable and who will come through for us. Of course, there will be times when one friend cannot meet an immediate need (which is another reason why we should have many best friends), but the reason should not be unfaithfulness or lack of trying to accommodate the need. We are also tested when one of our friends is unavailable. If our relationship is authentic, we should be understanding rather than resentful. The four men were faithful and they never gave up, but stood by their sick friend’s side until he was healed. Look at the marvelous gift they received because of their faith—their friend was freed of his illness!

Caring
This probably was not the first time they sought a cure for their friend. Through his illness the friends most likely took him to doctors and healers, and perhaps even nursed him themselves. There may have been times when the sick friend wanted to give up, but the friends would encourage and uplift him. It is good to be surrounded by friends in times of need. Their support and prayers help to sustain us, and their presence can soothe us. Of course, one must be open to receiving help. Sometimes a person may hide a need, hindering another from being a blessing to them. God gave some of us the gifts of sharing and caring and this may be the only way we can help. True friends take off the barriers laying bare the needs, and the care is lovingly given.

Trust
The sick friend put his life into the hands of his friends, and they came through for him. He also trusted them not to drop him as they carried him up the building and then lowered him down through the hole. It is good to have several friends who are loyal and can be called on in any emergency; with whom we can speak freely and confidentially, knowing they will not betray us; and with whom we can share our dreams and aspirations, knowing that they want the best for our lives. They are complete in themselves; hence there is no jealously or competition with each other. Nonetheless, trusting someone is not always easy. We do not like to reveal our emotions and struggles, and in the process of holding back and hiding our hurts we lose out on forming great friendships. Trust is a two-way street. We have to earn the trust of others by proving that we are responsible and can be held accountable.

Patience
I am sure there may have been times when the sick friend or the others were tired and wanted to give up. Dealing with that kind of illness, especially with the stigma attached to it, could not have been easy. It called for a tenacious spirit. When things go wrong in any kind of friendship, we have to be patient and ride the waves of dissention until things get right again. These are not the times to wander away or get caught up in one’s own life. There will be occasions when the issue is as simple as a difference of opinion, but one may see it as a monumental problem. It may be easy to solve the problem if the friend changes a pattern of behavior that is destructive. However, the friend may not see it your way or believe that there is anything wrong with the behavior. In such cases, one has to be patient in letting the friend sort it out, but be available to support and comfort when the friend is ready.

Persistence
The friends of the sick man showed up and took action. They persevered and he benefitted from their determination. There will be times when we have to push a friend beyond what she believes she is capable of, which may entail telling some truths that she is uncomfortable in facing. Persistence can also take the form of assisting her with completing a college application, urging her to follow up on her dreams, or simply being on the other end of the phone in the middle of the night. Even when we are unable to be there physically, a friend should still know that she can depend on us at all times.

Love
I cannot say what brought these friends together, but they shared a common bond of love for their friend. I think that when they reached the building and observed that there was no way of getting through the door, they evaluated the situation, came up with a plan, and executed it. They were unified in that goal and were successful despite the odds. I am inspired by their audacity and fortitude. This exhibition of love stood the test of time. It surely was a mental and physical strain on all of them, but their love conquered all and their efforts were rewarded when Jesus forgave the friend’s sins and he got up and walked.
“When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven’” (Mark 2:5). Similarly, our friendships should demonstrate this kind of love for each other. For those who do enjoy such relationships, what a joy to their souls. For those who do not, what a blessing to receive.

Just as I am.

I have permission,
Just to be me.
As God created,
All I can be.
Imperfect, and humble,
but that’s O. K
God’s work in progress,
He made me that way.

I have permission,
To see good in all.
God dusts me off,
Whenever I fall.
Sometimes in shreds,
but I think it’s fine.
Poured out, refilled,
With Sparkling New Wine.

I have permission,
by Grace and with Love.
To live every day,
Blessed from above.
Sunshine and birdsong,
Blossoms and streams,
Children and laughter,
Visions and Dreams.

God gives us permission.
to Love and to live.
Learn from it all,
See beyond, and forgive.
Paid for in full
by The Blood of the Lamb.
Jesus, who Loves me
Just as I am.

I have a Friend

I have a friend I want to share,
Grace and love He does provide
There’s no one that I can compare,
For you and me He died.

He is my hope, my joy, my all,
Nought will take my faith from me
My sin He never will recall
His grace has set me free.

I’ll kneel before the mercy seat,
My life is forever His
Christ’s love for me forever shown,
My faith as simple as it is.

Within the shadow of the cross,
I will lay my burden down
All my shame and guilt to toss,
For I would rather wear a crown

Life Issues – Bible Help Topics

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Commitment to Intimacy

I will love you unconditionally.

I will never reject you.

I will keep my heart to open to you.

I will never blame you for what i felt.

I will make you to feel secure to say the truth.

I will never use your word to offend against you.

I will be ready to speak about my spiritual fear and my discomfort.

I will never interrupt you if you speak about what you felt.

I will take you into my hope and my wish.

I will never manipulate or controlling you.

I will consider everything from your side of view.

I will never show defensive behavior.

I will be responsible to you.

I will never ask you to fulfill my hope.

I will reach you with love.

I will never pull myself emotionaly or physically.

I will help to boost your spiritual growth.

I will never search for something to blame.

I will view conflict as a chance to spiritual growth.

I will never reject that God is using you in my life.

God’s Call for Intimacy

Intimacy with God

Intimacy with God . . . what is it and how is it attained? There are many methods, and sometimes it seems hard to accomplish. Feeling led to approach this subject from a different angle; I decided to share what I’ve learned from my own experiences.

God created each of us with a longing for intimacy — intimacy with Him. We must, therefore, come to some understanding of what He is asking of us and what He is offering. We must come to the realization that we were created to fellowship with our Creator. We need Him and He desires us.

“God desires us?” Yes! He wants us, desires us. He gave the very best He had in His only begotten Son to redeem what Adam relinquished in the Garden. And He did it for intimacy.

Intimacy never involves just one person. As the old adage goes, “It takes two to tango.” God has gone to great lengths to dance with mankind. From the time He walked with Adam in Eden to this day, His desire hasn’t abated or changed.

So passionate was His desire after Adam and Eve sinned, He worked intensely throughout time to bring humanity back to a place of intimate communion. He gave the ultimate Gift so He might walk with us in the garden of our lives (John 3:16). From the midst of the Garden, the Lord called out to Adam. Today He is calling out our names, waiting to share His heart with us, waiting to hear our hearts expressed to Him.

Now that we better understand God’s desires for intimacy, let’s consider what it entails. What does it mean? Is it hard to attain? I submit to you it is not a difficult endeavor. All it requires is our relentless pursuit of an abiding and growing relationship with God.

The biggest hindrance to communion with God is our perception of who He is. Basing our perception of God’s character on the ungodly actions or attitudes of others will skew our understanding of His nature. Often circumstances in our lives prevent us from drawing near. Yet David says in Psalm 27:10: “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” In other words, regardless of who abandons us, betrays us, or hurts us, the Lord is ready, willing and able to embrace us.

God states throughout His Word that He is our strong tower, our refuge, our hiding place — to name only a few. He is our security, although most times we tend to find security in our position, our wealth, even our friends and family. Somehow we think if we become intimate with God, we will lose our security. In fact, just the opposite happens. We meet God, and He infuses all areas of our lives, enhancing each one with His presence, power, and transformation — seating us in a secure place in Him.

So how do we do this? We go to God and cling to Him with the realization we are doing what we were created to do, and He will not turn us away (Luke 11:9). God tells us He never shows partiality to anyone (Job 34:19). He gave so that all should live abundantly in His presence.

You cannot know someone you don’t spend time with. Intimacy develops as a result of close contact with someone over a period of time. Trust is built, confidence grows, and hearts change, becoming endeared to one another. Did you ever think about the fact that He is already waiting for you? What an awesome thought: The “Creator” of all that is or ever will be is waiting to talk with you and me.

But you say, “You don’t know my schedule.” Yes I do. I’m just like you. But life is built of many little moments. The little moments are where you start. You can start by simply saying, “I love You, Jesus.”

What would happen if you went through your day, repeating, “Jesus loves me” and did this over a period of a week? Your heart would change. The first step of intimacy would take place: speaking, sharing.

You could quote scriptures or tell Him, “I love You.” These moments will add up, and your whole life will be consumed with thoughts of Him.

This is what I mean by being simple: If you struggle with a certain area in your life and need to know God’s thoughts on the matter, find a Scripture befitting the need and do the same exercise. You see, not only does God want to have long times of communion with us, but He wants to spill over throughout our day. Before you know it, your desires change, and you find yourself continually in a place of communion — going to Him first, longing for Him, and needing Him in a way that moments are not enough.

When you long to experience deeper times with Him, put on an instrumental CD while relaxing, even while driving or working. Intimacy isn’t always about being verbal. Deep relationship with God can be built by sitting quietly with Him, reflecting on His goodness and love.

When thinking about Him isn’t enough, speak to Him in a conversational tone. After all, Jesus walked as a man and built relationships in the same way we do today. If you spend time in the Word, He will begin to speak those thoughts back to your heart, giving you guidance and encouragement. The more you read and know, the more there is for you to hear in your time with Him.

“Hearing?” you say. Yes, this is the second part of intimacy: listening and hearing. When He speaks back to your heart, “I love you no matter what.” It would be good to have a notebook in which to write down the words and thoughts He impresses on you. These reminders will come in handy during dry times. He tells us to put Him in remembrance of His Word, and that includes what He speaks to our hearts.

Remember, He desires to hear about every thought, desire, and dream. In the Bible, David told God he was angry. Did God know David was angry? Of course. Yet He wanted David to tell Him. This enabled David to hear God’s heart and release his anger to someone who understood without taking it out on others. He chose to remember the faithfulness of God in His life and act upon it.

There is nothing you cannot say to God. There is nothing in your heart or thoughts He wants you to hold back from Him. He doesn’t want you to burden yourself with some yoke He longs to bear (Matthew 11:28-29). Consider this: Nothing ever takes God by surprise. He is aware of every aspect of our lives (Hebrews 4:13). Yet, He still loves us and desires us with an everlasting love.

Take a leap of faith, and pour out your heart to the Lover of your soul. Position yourself to listen, and He will speak. The seeds of intimacy will grow abundantly.

The Preparation for the Marriage Relationship

At this point in our deliberations, let me address myself to those unmarried persons who are looking ahead to marriage. After a person has decided to receive Jesus Christ, the greatest decision ever to be faced in life is the selection of a lifetime partner, a husband or a wife. I cannot stress too strongly that the choice of your mate in marriage is of the gravest concern. No Christian should ever attempt marriage without prayer and a thorough search of the Scriptures. Thirty-five years in the Christian ministry have opened many doors of opportunity for marriage counseling, and I am prepared to say that many married persons who came to me seeking help were no more prepared for marriage on their wedding day than they were as little children playing with their toys. The only claim some brides and grooms have to maturity at their marriage is physical maturity. What difficulties many married couples have suffered because they were unprepared for marriage! Here are some precautionary steps one should consider before marriage.

The First Precaution

A Christian should never, under any circumstances, marry an unsaved person. The Bible forbids a believer in Christ to consider marriage with an unbeliever. Mixed marriages are never countenanced by God in either the Old Testament or the New. No two persons can live in harmony except they are in agreement on life’s most important choice (See Amos 3:3). If the one person has received Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, and the other has rejected Him, there is no common ground on which to start a marriage. The Bible warns, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” (II Corinthians 6:14). This is a solemn command with which there can be no compromise. People with serious marital problems have complained frequently to marriage counselors that they have little or nothing in common. This has caused the breakdown of many marriages. Well then, how can there possibly be a successful marriage if both the man and woman cannot share their common faith in the Lord Jesus Christ?

The Christian stands in a totally different relationship to God than does the non-Christian. In Old Testament times the principle of separation was in force, for we read “. . . The Lord doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel” (Exodus 11:7). Woe be to the man or woman who fails to put a difference where God has put one! If the principle of separation applies in business and social life, how much more emphatically does it apply in the most intimate relationship of life, that of marriage! As a minister of the Gospel I am committed to the biblical principle of never knowingly performing a marriage ceremony for two people unless both are committed Christians through personal faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. The mere thought of two persons being united in life, but separated throughout eternity, is well-nigh unbearable.

Early in my ministerial career a young Christian woman asked me to officiate at her marriage. Her fianc was an unbeliever. Moreover, he refused to discuss with anyone the question of salvation and his relation to Jesus Christ. When I told her that I could not become involved in such an unscriptural alliance, she angrily said, “But I love him. What do you expect me to do?” I told her that being in love may be a good reason for getting married, but that it is not always a valid one. Now it goes without saying that we should not marry a person whom we do not love. But it is possible to fall in love with someone most unsuitable according to God’s standards. It is also possible to be madly in love with somebody one day, and not feel the same about that same person six months later. Being in love is essential to a happy marriage, but any one of us could fall in love with the wrong person. Love is not the sole basis for marriage. Christian, take care! A mismated alliance in friendship can lead to a mismated alliance in love, and this in turn could lead to a mismated alliance in marriage which could end in disaster.

The Second Precaution

A Christian should not marry merely for sexual gratification. The marriages that are based on sex alone are not happy marriages. Young people in their teens should heed this counsel. In a normal person the psychic energy usually associated with the sexual instinct moves in cycles. It strikes first when we are in our teens, and at such an early age no person is mature enough to assume the responsibilities of marriage. Those first sex drives create a difficult and dangerous time for young people. It is an easy matter for any teen-ager to be carried away by an infatuation for a person of the opposite sex. Too often such an unreasoning and uncontrolled passion has been mistaken for love, and this in turn has resulted in broken marriages.

Now let me speak frankly about this matter of sex. It is wrong to say that sex per se is sinful. Though the word sex does not appear in the Bible, the idea is found throughout the Scriptures. It means either of the two divisions of organisms distinguished as male and female, and this includes the attraction of one sex for the other. The attraction of male for female, and vice versa, is a natural one. Let me add that it is an unnatural condition when this attraction does not exist. A person does not become more spiritual by disassociating himself from the body. The sex urge is a normal function of the body. This is the way God made us. And God has given to us a frank and fearless discussion of sex in His Word. We need to examine the Scriptures prayerfully on the subject of sex, for in them we will find God speaking to us in a way that will prevent demoralization and degeneration. To know the facts and functions of sex is not enough. The knowledge we receive must be linked with our reverence and love for God.

The Bible says, “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). The sexual relation between husband and wife is a beautiful and meaningful experience. It should be a mutually delightful experience for both. Some of the most spiritual people I have known were happily married couples who had children of their own. The sexual relation between husband and wife is an essential one in marriage. Sex without love will end with misery, but sex with love will result in much happiness. Now I am not suggesting that a successful marriage is based purely on a biological and sexual performance, but I am saying that the sex urge is normal and the marriage bed is the one place God has provided to satisfy that urge. There is still some of the old nonsense being passed along to girls that sex is for men only, and that the wifely duty is to submit to the cross of sex. I somehow feel that mothers who are guilty of passing along such distortions to their daughters are women who were frustrated in their own sex lives, and so take advantage of every opportunity to vent their hatred on men.

If you want to prepare yourself for a lasting and happy marriage, take a wholesome view of sex. Keep yourself pure for your life-partner. Remember God will judge the immoral and adulterous person. The Seventh Commandment says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14), a law God has never rescinded. Adulterers shall not inherit the kingdom of God (I Corinthians 6:9), but they will be judged by God (Hebrews 13:4). Paul admonished Timothy, “Keep yourself pure” (I Timothy 5:22).

The Third Precaution

Do not decide upon marriage as an escape from pressure. A young Christian wife who had been married four years came to me seeking counsel. She was brief in her remarks and to the point. “I believe I made the biggest mistake of my life,” she said as she wept. There was hesitation. Then she continued, “I believe I married the wrong man.” She and the young man she married both were Christians. I had officiated at their lovely wedding four years earlier. She was old enough to be married at 23, and she and Harold seemed to enjoy eleven months of courtship, and now four years to the month from her wedding day she tells me she made a mistake. “Why did you marry Harold?” I asked her. She gave me two reasons why she hastily accepted his proposal. At the office where she was employed dishonesty was a common practice among the firm’s management; the office was always polluted with cigarette smoke; drinking alcoholic beverages was routine; and married men dated single girls. That situation brought on pressure from which she sought an escape.

Now she might have looked for another job, but an unhappy situation at home only added to the pressure. Her father was an alcoholic who abused her mother and her. So in order to escape a difficult home life and undesirable working conditions she jumped at the opportunity when Harold proposed marriage. She felt that she might not have another opportunity to get married. She failed to face the problems and pressures at home and the office as she should have done. She should have come for counsel before she became involved with Harold. Beware of marrying in haste. Marriage is for life!

Taken from http://bible.org/article/marriage-abortion-and-divorce